Don't ASK don't TELL

I attended a meeting for the military talking about the don't ask don't tell policy. It was a very interesting policy but it is in the repeal process. I believe the repeal is a good idea. Military life is very dangerous and if something happens to the military member and they are in a committed same sex relationship. The non military person will not get any benefits. As of right now benefits only work for same sex couples who are both in the military. The military has many programs that spouses can take part in but due to don't ask don't tell, same sex spouses can not take part in most programs. When there are parties thrown for military members they are encouraged to bring someone of the opposite sex which is not fair to partners of the same sex. I really hope the repeal goes through so that these families and couples can become and feel welcome into the military community. 

Cheerleading

Ok I must admit that I am a cheerleader but I am proud of it. The other day I was hanging out with some of my guy friends from home and I was telling them that I had cheerleading tryouts for the camp I work for in the summer. I made the mistake saying I hope that a lot of guys show up. all my friends were saying guy cheerleaders were homosexuals. I will admit there are some men who are gay but there are lesbian cheerleaders too. Most guys who cheer are cheerleaders because of the challenges. I try to explain to people that holding someone over your head with one hand is a lot more difficult than trying to get a basketball through a hoop. Why is it that when males join "women" oriented sports they are seen as "gay"? Cheerleading os one of the most dangerous sports there is. Gender roles and society tell us that cheerleading is for women but a co-ed cheerleading team is very powerful. Women and men need to be able to do the things that they enjoy without discrimination.


I have a few friends on this team both male and female, not the best video but shows some of the stunts men do. Now can you tell me a regular guy on the street could do this with no training?

Birthday

For my nephew's birthday my brother finally came home to see his son. There were many pictures taken of them together. After the pictures were posted to Facebook, everyone commented on how he was such a good dad. My brother was so nervous around him and did not really know how to handle him. Due to the pictures everyone got the wrong impression and this bothered me for some reason. For me he is not around enough to even be called a "father". There are a lot of men in the world who are trying their best to work hard at being a good dad and being there for their children but yet a few nice pictures influences people to think my brother is a good dad. Yes, he pays child support but his baby is growing up not knowing his dad. It makes me wonder if when his son is older if this will effect him in any way considering my brother got his current girl friend pregnant and he will be there for that baby but does not really show very much interest in seeing his current son. 

Women in Maddness

In My other Women's Studies class we talked about the term beautiful. We are reading a book called The Bluest Eye. We ranked the people in order of how they were perceived as beautiful in that book. The book is based a long time ago but still the ranking went from a white girl to a "high-yellow" girl, to a black girl. This is interesting to me because I feel that what we perceive as beautiful has somewhat shifted but somewhat stayed the same. Class seems to still be a factor because the more money you have the more "beautiful" you can make yourself. I hope people look beyond what a person looks like and takes into consideration their personal traits but i know that is not always the case. There are many black women who want to be lighter and white women who want to be tan. Who creates this for us and who tells us what is beautiful. In my opinion its the media. We seem to look to media for a lot of aspects in our life. Is this really what we want for future women? To have them look to the media for what is beautiful. you hear about all these young girls on "diets" and developing anorexia because they want to look like that models. Its a horrible feeling to me that I myself even let the media sway my opinion on what is beautiful and what is not. As women we need to fight this image and allow young girls to take pride in what they look like. Some women have started this fight but its going to take a lot more to change what society feels is "beautiful", and that really SUCKS!

NO!

Today I was walking to class and I over heard a couple or what I assumed to be a couple walking in front of me. They were talking about sex, which I am not sure why because I could hear them so they had to know others could too. So she told him that she did not want to be on birth control because she did not want to ruin her chances at becoming pregnant. He told her if she really loved him that she would be on birth control because condoms did not feel good for him. I could not believe what I was hearing. She told him she would have to think about it more. Ugh, why must men have that control over women? It is her decision and using the whole "if you love me" line is ridiculous. Why do men do that and why must women oppress to it. Women want to show their partner that they love them and I feel as if guys use it a lot to get what they want. I was so disappointed in this girl but I did not know them so I did not say anything but the whole conversation just blew my mind.

Gender Violence

Many of my friends have been victims of abuse. It also runs in my family on my father's side. Domestic violence is a horrible trend to have and fighting back to stop it is even harder. I watched my parents fight all the time and was even put in the middle at times. There were times when I tried to break up my father beating my brothers. When I was young I only remember by father doing the hitting but as I got older my mother started to hit. I am not sure if this is due to my mother dealing with it for years or if she had always done it and I did not remember. All I am trying to say is that it is not something easy to walk away from when it is the ones you love whom are hurting you. Its the little things that can trigger attacks too. When I was 10 years old I dropped a gallon of milk that my mother had just bought, thats all it took. She beat me and the next morning I could not move my neck. I had also seen my mother grab my grandmother and scream at her. It's hard to grow up with but what hurts the most is that I see it in my brothers when they drink. They both can get very mean, and it reminds me of what we went through. Since my parents divorce my mom is a lot better and I don't see my father which is probably the best thing for me. Domestic violence in my opinion is learned and it is hard to break but luckily I have had some really good role models in my life and I hope that my brothers also will use the tools they have not to carry on the violence when they have a family. 

Royal Wedding

So because of the Royal wedding that took place, I have been getting a lot of questions like "did you watch it at 3 in the morning?" or "Wasn't that wedding so beautiful?". I ask people why they get the feeling that I watched the wedding and most of them answered because I was a girl. SO! Just because I am a girl does not mean I have no other option but to watch the Royal Wedding. Yes, it is a historical event that took place but it did not really interest me all that much. Plus around the same time of the wedding was the horrible disaster that took place in the south from all the tornados that hit. Still, all you heard about was the wedding. Not that I am hateful towards the wedding but many lives were taken due to the storms and all anyone was talking about was the ROYAL WEDDING! Being a girl does not mean I have to take interest in the wedding. It is just another example of how gender roles are still played out and that a woman would want to watch a wedding because its the "womanly" or "girly" thing to do. 

Head of the household

Traditionally speaking we have lots of people who think the man is the head of the household or "Head-complement". Although there are these types of relationships more people lean towards the Senior/Junior relationship where one person maybe makes most of the income and the other one might do more of the domestic role but that is ok. I want to be in a relationship where I am doing both roles but I per say do not want to be the person brining in most of the income. When I decide to have children I really want to be able to be a part of their lived but I also do not intend to give up my career. the "equal partner" relationship is where every aspect is equal. I have to wonder if that is truly possible. Most relationships I know have some sort of area that a person is most control of. For example I know a couple where one person takes care of all the finances and the other does all the shopping for necessary items. Or one person does the finances while the other does most of the cleaning. They feel like they are "equal partners" but are they really?

Globalization...UGH

We watched a video on globalization and the fights women had with factory jobs. These women take lower paying jobs and are put into dangerous situations. Some of the women were developing sores on their faces and arms as well as their children from what the factory was outputting. The film was based in Mexico. One thing that bothered me was the United States said looked very civilized and Mexico looked in shambles.  The women of Mexico started to learn about the rights they had and when the factory shut down and they were not paid for the work they had done, the factory did not want to pay them. It was encouraging that these few women fought for what they believed in but how can a company who makes millions or maybe billions of dollars just turn their backs on these workers. The factory was set up as almost a hierarchy, then men were usually the managers of sort while the women did all the factory work. These women worked long hours and barely earned enough to take care of their families. Most were single mothers and barely slept because when they were not working they had to take care or their children. The environment cause by the factory in Mexico left the town in ruins. It took 10 years for these women to convince the government that it was their job to clean up the small town they destroyed. Again, these companies know what they are doing and to not take care of the people involved is horrible. In class we also talked about how to fix the situation of globalization but my thought is if there is anything that can actually be done. We buy what we have because of globalization and do we really want to have to pay more to stop the globalization? It is a very difficult question to ask. As for the Mexico's government, I feel they are partially to blame for what happened to these women. The government borrowed money and then promised the factory workers that the pay of the women's labor would not go up. So Mexico is hurting their women just as much. It is hard to completely understand everything involved with globalization but in my opinion the workers both men and women deserve to be treated fairly.  

Econ Class

In my Economics class we talked about why men get paid more than women. According to my professor it has to do with Education, Occupational Choice, Choices one makes in a career field and discrimination. Not that these factors are not true but she did not even bring up the fact that our world has long been based on a patriarchy society. I understand that the class focuses on economics but the fact that she did not bring up society norms bothered me. She did bring up discrimination but she focused on the aspect of black men versus white men. through my women's studies class I have come to realize that there is a wage gap between men and women. But my question is to why? The typical "patriarchal society" has been shifting yet we see women in roles such as CEO's being paid less than their male counterparts. This needs to stop and although I am not sure how all I know is women work just as hard as men. It is true that women will take lower pay, but that does not mean they deserve it. 

Abortion....the word that creates controversy

 ABORTION. Every time someone brings it up I know there are bound to be arguments. In class we were asked how women were able to have the rights they have now. Not many people talk about how we achieved the rights. Everyone knows abortion= Roe vs. Wade but I feel as if thats all they know, the name of the case. Roe vs. Wade dealt with the "right to privacy" a women was awarded. Not very many people talk about Griswald vs. CT in 1960. This ensured birth control was a "right to privacy", but at first birth control was only allowed to be used by married couples. As we know now that has changed. There are many people whom are pro-choice or pro-life. Personally I do not identify with either and I believe it depends on the situation given. This battle between the two does not seem to be ending any time soon. However, I feel as if there are many people whom have the same opinion as I do but yet all this fighting about whether abortion is right or not is still taking place. Women who have an abortion can become even more criticized when it is not deserved. For instance, if a women is a raped and has an abortion, not only has she been victimized but also has to deal with the pro-life people telling her what she did was wrong. Now this woman faces emotional pain along with being victimized. Why can people not decide that it should be up to the woman and it is not fair for others to criticize when they have not been in their shoes. Yes, for the pro-life people there is the option of adoption but why should someone whom has been raped have to carry a baby by the person whom victimized her. There are so many ways to look at abortion and so many people have such strong views but to me the only thing that matters it that the women who is making the decision is happy. No one should judge these women when they have not been through the same thing. Abortion will be argued about for a long time until people can agree that women have the right to their own body and the right to make this decision without being judged. I know some religion is strongly against abortion and that is one of the huge fights for pro-life,  like so many things though, there should be exceptions and people need to be more educated about abortion before completely dismissing it. 
  

Rape

In class we talked about issues of Rape. I do believe Rape is one of the worst things a person can do to another. The control aspect rape has is devastating. Not only does rape hurt someone physically but also mentally. I always ask myself why people would do such a thing? When it comes to rape, most people think of someone hiding in the woods and jumping out to rape them. As we discussed in class, this is the situation people want to accept. Most people do know that a person is usually raped by someone they know or have met before. So why do we think of someone we do not know as the rapist? Maybe because it is easier to think of someone we don't hurting us then someone we do know. Another sad aspect to rape is the underreporting not just from the women whom are victims but also from men who are victims. Many rape victims feel as if it is there fault the rape happened so they do not report the incident. Why do people think this and why are people blaming rape victims for what happened to them? My opinion is that no person no matter what they have done deserves to be raped. 


This is a video I found about Women in Congo being mostly gang raped. It is unfortunate that the men of these gang rapes use rape to prove who is control. Why is it that people use rape as a control device? I will agree it shows control but what are they really controlling, if anything they are just putting fear into people by rape not showing control. These poor women show up so often to the hospital in the video that it makes me sick. Rape is not very easily contained and is hard to stop. There are many policies and laws to protect victims of rape but is it really possible to ever prevent rape? I wish I could say there was.


For these Congo women they have very few resources to take action against the rapist but thankfully there is a hospital to help them. 

To Wear a Veil or Not.. Does it really have to be the question?

          

I was at the gym a couple nights ago and on one of the t.v.'s there was a story on about two women wearing veils in Italy. A town called Novara has a major that has banned women from wearing a burka (or veil). Many Islamic women wear these and want to wear the veil as a practice of their religion. I do not believe it is fair for Italy to make such a harsh law. Novara's major was said to but the law in lace so that everyone in public could be identified but the law discriminates against these women and their religion they practice. I only caught a little but of the story so I went online to find out more about the story. According to a story released by BBC the town of Novara is said to be "anti- immigration". The story also stated "Several local authorities have introduced tighter regulations, and a Northern League bill currently before parliament would specifically outlaw Islamic face veils". In my opinion this is horrible. Due to being deployed I have met many women who practice wearing the veils. There are many critics of the veils such as they degrade women and show that their husbands are superior to them. I do not pretend to be an expert at all but I do not believe this for the most part. The many women I met while I was deployed enjoyed wearing the veils and did not feel as if it degraded them at all. For Italy to try to take this right away from someone is very frustrating to me. These women deserve to live the way they have chosen just like an other person. I understand the identification point but there has to be a better way to go about it. As for being "anti- immigration", I will not say I agree. The united states is having immigration issues also and in my opinion, if someone immigrates legally then there should be no discrimination towards them. These women are being who they want to be and its very disheartening that Italy is trying to force these women into the "norm" that their major believes is right.


Check out the story by BBC: Unfair in Italy

Complicated

 

This is a picture of an indian surrogate mother. Surrogacy from other countries is growing. The story I read was about rights the foreign surrogacy women have or should I say don't have. For many of these women there can be health issues when having a baby and they are not guaranteed that they will be taken care of once the child is born. A majority of the clients are from the U.S., so when the children are born, there are difficulties getting birth certificates to allow the baby to be brought back to the United States. Also, the laws are not clear in all countries where surrogacy is practiced. Therefore a surrogate may not be paid right or taken care of if something goes wrong. The families who are using the surrogacy have to spend a lot of money to fly back and forth to make sure the surrogate is healthy while carrying the baby. Two people made a documentary about these women called "Made in India". The documentary follows a surrogate women and the challenges she faces as well as the couple she is carrying for. I believe the laws need to protect these women. Surrogate women are doing this to improve life for their families but I am sure they do not get most of the money they are promised. If countries know surrogacy is a growing practice then laws should be put in place to protect everyone involved. I understand women doing whatever they can to improve the life of their families but surrogacy can be dangerous and I would hope someone would take notice so everyone can benefit from something that should be a happy time for a couple and the great gift a surrogate mother is providing.

Here is a video that explains a surrogate process in Russia.

I can to anything you can do!

So the other weekend I was with my boyfriend and his dad to help them cut down trees and stack wood. We started early in the morning and a few hours later my boyfriend's uncle showed up to help. I had been working all day with my boyfriend and his dad and I kept up pretty well, they allowed me to do whatever they did. When his uncle came it was a different story. Every time I tried to move the log, my boyfriend's uncle would try to take over. I told him politely that I had been doing this all day and I could do the work but he decided I needed help. I tried to work in a different spot but his uncle came over to help me again. When I told him I could manage it he told me that he was surprised I was even out there trying to do "manly" work. I did not say anything to him because I respect my boyfriends family but I was steaming inside. Why is it that if a women tries to do "manly work", she is seen as not being able to do the labor. My boyfriend did not treat me like that nor did his dad so it really bothered me that he did not think I could do the work. I know not all men think like this but it reminds me of the traditional roles we talk about in class, such as males do the manual labor and the females do the inside labor such as cleaning, laundry, dishes etc. etc. I love being outside and doing physical things and I do not see anything wrong with that.

Does your I.D. match?

In the state of New York, a group of transgender citizens have filed a law suit based on their birth certificates. There are a number of transgendered people who would like to get their birth certificate changed to match the person they feel they are. However, in New York, the law requires documentation to prove they have had surgery to change their gender. Unfortunately, there are many people who can not afford the surgery. This causes many issues for a transgender when identification is needed.  Noah Lewis, whom is the attorney representing the transgender group stated, "This subjects them to harassment and discrimination. They can be laughed at or turned away doing everyday transactions like going to the DMV (the Department of Motor Vehicles) or applying for jobs,"(Aman Ali). The Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund have suggested to the Supreme Court that a doctor’s note verifying the transgendered person status could be a compromise. The Health Department said it will review the issue but nothing is said to be done.

I understand both sides of this story. On one hand a person is born a certain sex and that should be reflected on a birth certificate. If a person changes their mind on their sex more than once I can see where there would be an issue but I don’t think that happens very often. When a person feels and decides to live their life as a transgender, I do not understand why the state is making it so difficult for a person to change their birth certificate. I am assuming from what I know, transgender people live a lot of their life being discriminated so when the state is discriminating as well, what does that show the rest of the citizens? Discrimination should not be tolerated and I am hoping the Health Department realizes this and finds an easier way for transgender people to live the life they deserve.

Empowering everyone and erasing discrimination is something we can only achieve if we do something about it.

Check out the story Transgender Vs. New York

"Gay Uncle"

My nephew Ben, lives with his mom, his uncle and his grandmother on his mom's side. Recently, my nephew's uncle on his mothers side "came out". He is very involved in my nephew's life, more so than his father (my twin brother). My brother does not see his son very much but is very concerned about having a "gay guy" influence his son. He does not want his son growing up thinking that being "gay" is acceptable. This is a huge problem to my brother but I do not understand what the problem is. My nephew's uncle is a very good person and Ben loves him. Why are so many people discriminate against gays and lesbians? Just because someone likes a person of the same sex does not mean they are any less of a person. Someones sexual identity should not affect the way a person is perceived but unfortunately that seems to be the case. If Ben's uncle never "came out", my brother would have no problem with him helping with Ben but why should his uncle have to hide how he feels? He shouldn't! Just because most of society "believes" homosexuals are in the wrong, it does not mean its right. There are lots of homosexual couples that can not adopt because of what society perceives them as. There are a lot of same sex couples that would be great parents if just given the chance. I do not believe that kids raised by same sex couples will grow up to be a homosexual but if they chose that sexual identity then that is their right. Heterosexual couples are proud of their sexual identity and so should bisexuals, lesbians, gays, transgender and anyone else. Part of the problem is that people do not put their self in the position of someone who has to live with the discrimination. How would you feel if you had to hide how you truly felt because "society" has deemed that act as intolerable? People should be aware that this discrimination should not be allowed and is hurting so many people. Everyone has a right to be treated equally no matter what sexual identity they adhere to. Ultimately, I told my brother I did not agree with him but he is not changing his mind. Until people take time to understand these different sexual identities, I do not think "society" will change their opinion on the subject. Which is very upsetting to think about. 

The Word Gender-queer

On my first post of this blog I talked about gender-queers. As promised, I asked some friends what they thought the word met and if they were a gender-queer or not. The first person I asked was my boyfriend and right away he said "does that mean I am gay, because I think you know the answer to that". After explaining it to him we decided he was not a gender-queer because most things he does would be thought of as "masculine". The Second person I asked was my mom, her reaction was "Would that mean I do not know if I am a male or female?". It was a great topic to share with my mom, she would be considered a gender-queer and that is probably why I am too. She always dressed me in dresses but when I came to be able to do things myself I would sometimes tend to do things others might classify as "masculine". My twin brother is a gender-queer but I could not get him to realize it. He dresses in a way other males might think "feminine", and also is a lot more in tune with fashion than I have ever been. He is not afraid to express himself differently then others but said he does not like the word because it has queer attached to it. Other people that I talked to also thought it had to do with being gay or a lesbian. It just goes to show you that people who do not take the time to understand what a word mean can tie a stigma to it. I think being gender-queer is not something someone should be afraid of saying. With everything I am learning in my Women's Studies class, I feel as if the world is changing even if it is at a slow pace. Although people might get attacked for being gender-queer, hopefully in the future people will just learn to accept everyone for who they are. The days of being just masculine or just feminine are coming to a close, there are many people who are a mix of both. So what is wrong with the word gender-queer??

This is a site I found that deals with everyone having a masculine and feminine side. Thought it was a different approach and I found it interesting

finding your masculine and feminine side

What about LOVE?

In class the other day we talked about Women wanting to marry someone of the same level of education as them. We also discussed how if a women does not find that person then they are likely to not get married. My thoughts on this; people are too focused on money and not on what will make the relationship last...LOVE. I know a lot of people who say money buys happiness but I would disagree. Money does buy you things you want but it cannot buy love. I feel that if people are too focused on matching education levels then a person might never be truly happy. My boyfriend is not going to college but he makes me truly happy and supports me in everything I do. I feel that whether or not I make more money than he does, we will be happy and the chances of us not working are slim. I just don't understand why it is such a big deal to find someone who is of the same education as you. I meet people all the time that are not of my education level but are very knowledgeable in a lot of areas. On the flip side we talked about how men don't mind what education level their partner is at. Is that because they want to be the sole provider? I am not sure. Some of the guys said they want to have the higher paying job but then that goes right back to my point that people are too focused on money and not finding someone whom they love. I am not sure if I am the only person who feels this way but for me finding someone to share my life with starts with love not money.

Gender-queer

So about a week ago in my Women's Studies class we talked about a word I have never heard before. The word: Gender-queer. From our class discussion, I learned that a gender-queer is someone who mixes feminism and masculinity. When I did a little research on the topic, it seems that gender-queers or someone who claims to be a gender-queer is put into the Gay or Lesbian category. There are people who take gender-queer to the extreme but in my opinion as well as my professor's, there are a lot more gender-queer people out there that don't realize they are gender-queer. When thinking about the meaning of gender-queer; I would put myself into that category. On somedays I can be aggressive and competitive which could be categorized as masculine and somedays I am family oriented and sensitive which could be feminine. Why does it really matter? People should be able to be who they want to be and express their self  in a way they want. Males who are gender-queer seem to be at the brunt of the subject but males should be able to allowed to act "feminine" if they want. Is it because the world puts masculinity above feminism and thats why a women acting a little masculine is o.k. but a male acting feminine is not? I think so but with more people realizing what a gender-queer really is,  maybe more people will be accepting of it, or at least I hope so. So my plan is to ask some of my friends if they are gender-queer and see their reaction. then I will explain it to them and see if they change their mind. I think because queer is attached to the word some people might have the wrong idea about the word actually means. We shall see. 

This is a link to a website I found that shows a story book that was written to explain to children about homosexuals. It also has postings of people who are gender-queer. I think its great to see all the different types of people that use gender-queer as a way to represent themselves.

http://genderqueer.tumblr.com/